“I’m sure someone wrote a science fiction book on this exact topic, but I didn’t read it.”
Permalink | Tweet This! | | September 5, 2007 by John in Humor, Religion, Scott Adams
This doesn’t answer the question of who created the aliens in the first place, so it allows the possibility of God. It just pushes him back one level. I like the Atlantis hypothesis because it makes everyone uncomfortable, explains everything here on Earth, and you can’t disprove it. That’s as good as it gets.
I find this theory just as plausible as the bible. Which is to say, not at all. But it’s fun to read. I love it when Adams comes up with wacky stuff like this. And how often do I get to tag a post as humor and religion?
Not a Resolution, but Hopefully Resolute
Permalink | Tweet This! | | January 22, 2007 by John in Health-Medical, Kevin Smith, Scott Adams
Long ago I gave up New Year’s Resolutions. In fact I’ve kept my last resolution, made a few years ago: Make no more New Years Resolutions. They are inherently self-defeating and doomed to failure. So no grandiose announcements about a major life change or even a minor one. It’s simple.
I have to lose weight. Obviously this has been on my mind lately judging from my post below about lapband surgery.
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Election Day
Permalink | Tweet This! | | November 7, 2006 by John in Humor, Penn Jillette, Politics, Scott Adams
Ever have one of those nightmares that you show up in class for the final exam and suddenly realize that you didn’t attend class all semester and you have no idea what the material is about? Or alternatively you show up in any given class having forgotten to do your homework (and usually you’re wearing only your underwear)?
I’m feeling like that today. I did manage to dress myself, but I didn’t do my homework. Should I go to the polling place and vote for those few issues/candidates that I do know about? Should I vote at all? To paraphrase Penn Jillette, should I vote even if there are no candidates worth voting for? Should I refuse to settle for the lesser of two evils?
Update: Jeff Croft has more to say on the subject. I used to say, “if you don’t vote you can’t complain,” but I’m not so sure anymore. I mean none of the candidates represent my point of view. Even if the candidates did what they said they’d do in office, they don’t reflect my POV.
I forgot to include a mention of Scott Adams who often says he doesn’t vote because he doesn’t know enough about the issues so he’s not qualified (of course he goes on to say that almost nobody knows enough to vote).
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The Incompetent Method
Permalink | Tweet This! | | November 6, 2006 by John in Humor, Scott Adams
I swear we have a guy like this in my office, with the exception of a different seventh step:”
Step 7: Make life hell for the competent people causing them to quit so there are no witnesses.
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‘Dilbert’s’ 9-Point Financial Plan
Permalink | Tweet This! | | October 10, 2006 by John in Humor, Money, Scott Adams
‘Dilbert’s’ 9-point financial plan worthy of economics Nobel : “Notice its simple brilliance in the exact reproduction of his formula:
- Make a will
- Pay off your credit cards
- Get term life insurance if you have a family to support
- Fund your 401k to the maximum
- Fund your IRA to the maximum
- Buy a house if you want to live in a house and can afford it
- Put six months worth of expenses in a money-market account
- Take whatever money is left over and invest 70% in a stock index fund and 30% in a bond fund through any discount broker and never touch it until retirement
- If any of this confuses you, or you have something special going on (retirement, college planning, tax issues), hire a fee-based financial planner, not one who charges a percentage of your portfolio
“Adams boldly states that this is ‘everything you need to know about personal investing.’ In just 129 words, nine simple points, one page you have the unabridged ‘Unified Theory of Everything Financial.’ That’s it. Everything!
“Thanks to Adams’ formula, the average irrational investor can ignore Wall Street: ‘Everything else you may want to do with your money is a bad idea compared to what’s on my one-page summary.”
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Who is Crazy?
Permalink | Tweet This! | | September 7, 2006 by John in Humor, Scott Adams
Scott Adams sums up my views on conflict perfectly (emphasis mine): “Now, since I know from the comments that many of my readers are – inexplicably – also troglodytes, allow me to include a disclaimer here. I’m way more hawkish than you are. It just doesn’t look that way because my thinking is that if a bully punches you, you should run away. Later, when he’s asleep, put a bullet in his head and leave the gun in his little brother’s crib so it looks like a sibling squabble. In other words (again, for the troglodytes) being tough doesn’t require being stupid. It’s totally optional.”
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And put it on Pay-per-view
Permalink | Tweet This! | | August 10, 2006 by John in Humor, Scott Adams
“If the warring parties don’t like this peace plan, my other idea is to let God decide directly who should get Israel. For example, you could put the leader of Hizbollah and the Prime Minister of Israel in a cage with Sigfried and Roy’s tiger and let God decide which one the tiger eats first. It’s stupid, but again, not THAT much worse than the current method.” -Scott Adams
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Petting the Cat
Permalink | Tweet This! | | July 12, 2006 by John in Humor, Scott Adams
I don’t know what the title has to do with the bulk of the article, but I do know that I “heart” Scott Adams…
“Let me be clear that I do not approve of making fun of overweight people.* Those that mock the hefty are delusional because they believe in the superstition of will power. They believe that some people have a lot of this non-existent will-power substance whereas overweight people have less of it.
“I believe that will power is an illusion. Overweight people simply get more enjoyment from food than thin people do, at least relative to their other pleasure options. If I liked food more than I like playing tennis, I’d be the size of a house. Will power never enters into it.”
* Of course, but the end of the article he’s doing just that.
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The Dilbert Blog: Pragmatic Party
Permalink | Tweet This! | | May 31, 2006 by John in Humor, Scott Adams
The Pragmatic Party: “In my fantasy I form what I call the Pragmatic Party. All of my policies would be based on what is most practical. I would accuse my opponents of basing their policies on superstition, i.e. the belief in supernatural beings. That’s called framing the debate. It’s also why I could never be elected. Well, that plus the parts about being unattractive, unqualified, and morally bankrupt. I’d get a ding for those things too.”
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The Dilbert Blog: Uh-Oh: “I never knew that there …
Permalink | Tweet This! | | April 15, 2006 by John in Humor, Scott Adams
The Dilbert Blog: Uh-Oh: “I never knew that there are about a zillion different versions of the Bible because (and I am summarizing Ehrman’s entire book here) it was copied and recopied by hand, by semi-literate, opinionated morons for hundreds of years. Sometimes the copiers left stuff out, sometimes they added their own explanations where things didn’t seem to make sense, and other times they simply made errors. Each time a new semi-literate opinionated moron made a copy of the copy, most of the errors were preserved while new ones were added.”
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